Today I was thinking about just how much thinking I do all the time. I realized that I spend most of my time considering things that most people probably never give a second thought. I woke up today extra dizzy from low blood pressure caused by POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome). I knew the best way to manage that was to drink lots of water and eat lots of salty snacks. That sounds simple enough, right? Unfortunately, POTS is not the only way my body fights me. I also had to gauge how much nausea/abdominal pain I was going to deal with today. If I go ahead and eat, is that going to make me too nauseated? Is my stomach going to bloat and be ridiculously uncomfortable? Is it going to cramp up and hurt? Then there was the catch-22 of needing to drink water to combat the dizziness, but drinking lots of water means needing the bathroom, and walking to the bathroom causing dizziness.
This is all just to manage one symptom of one issue. I also must juggle finding the settings on my stimulator to best control the head pain, judging how much energy I have for walking around and knowing where the next place to rest will be, taking meds on time, trying to think through the brain fog, not pushing too hard and causing joint and muscle pain to flare, deciding when to risk eating foods that have the potential to make me sick and when to play it safe… and this is just for my body. I also think about all the things everyone else juggles too like carrying on conversations, making sure my dog is taken care of, being where I need to be when I need to be there, and so on.
While my body is at rest a lot of the time these days, my mind is not. Its usually a whirlpool of thoughts and questions. The more practice I have living with these chronic curveballs my body likes to throw me, the better I get at managing them, but there are definitely time it gets overwhelming, and times when, no matter what I do, the best I can hope for is a better day tomorrow. That’s ok though because at the end of the day, that’s really what everyone is doing! My curveballs come in the form of my body rebelling but we all have things we must overcome. We just do our best in the moment and keep moving forward!
Hebrews 12:1-3 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.